I have been getting migraines since I was about eight years old. Intense throbbing pain blooms on the inside of my right eyebrow, light and loud noise are suddenly unbearable, as are strong smells. Sometimes the pills work but make me sleepy and woozy, sometimes they don’t.
I’ve had to cancel a lot of plans on friends, family and work colleagues, disappoint and frustrate a lot of people over the years. My partners have often felt helpless, exasperated, and convinced there was a cure – something we could do, or that I could do, to make them go away.
I have been sure too, seeking help from pretty much every medical tradition and modality, including pills, needles, rubbing, cracking, tinctures, pressure, stinky herbs, patches, devices, talk therapy, meditation, traction and combinations of the above.
I continue to hope that I will find a solution, but I’m tired of fighting. Tired of thinking of my body as a problem to be solved, as a mysterious machine that I have not yet figured out. Tired of feeling angry, helpless, believing that I’m being invaded by some external alien force every time I feel the telltale throb in my eyebrow.
When they’re feeling truly stuck, I tell my clients that the most radical, useful thing to do might be to accept the truth of the situation. And when my brave, amazing clients are able to do this, I’ve seen them find the strength and courage to go after what they’re really meant to do and be. Incredible power is released when we tell the truth, when we can bring gentle awareness to what is actually happening, when we stop fighting.
Of course, it’s a lot easier to coach someone else to do this than to do it yourself. I tell my clients this too.
I will not be taking to my bed for the rest of my life, but I will be resting when I need to, and accepting that that I am a whole package, and that the very qualities that make me a good coach and an excellent dog-mom and partner may also give me migraines.
I’d love to hear what you’re working on accepting, and what power you suspect might be released as you gently embrace the truth.
5 responses to "The power in accepting the unacceptable"
March 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm -
Jill, I love this idea of accepting. It’s so hard, yet often it’s just the thing to do.
I’m working on accepting that my daughter (almost 13) is going through angst (as are many kids this age!) that I can’t solve for her. My job is to support and witness, but I can’t take away the hurting or make it all better.
And I’m accepting that that’s all I need to be to her – that she doesn’t need me to solve all of her problems. She’s doing what she needs to do as an almost-teen whose life is getting more complex. Allowing her to have her process is what she needs to grow and develop and gain confidence as an independent girl.
I’m accepting that the most valuable things I can give her right now are my faith in her ability to rise above tough times and my unwavering support.
So I guess I’m also accepting that I can handle not solving her problems and just letting them be hers.
Great post!
March 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm -
Wise words Heather, from a wise Mom! Your daughter is lucky to have you by her side witnessing her, loving her, listening to her as she makes her way. I can imagine how tough it is not to be able to protect her. I remember 13 – it wasn’t pretty. Thanks for sharing with us and for helping to launch your lovely and capable daughter into the world.
March 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm -
Wise words from both of you. I definitely believe in finding the solution (and usually there is at least one.) But when things aren’t progressing acceptance feels so much better than the frustration & angst to which I default.
Great reminder that letting go is sometimes the best solution. I’ve noticed that once I do accept where I am other solutions often emerge.
March 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm -
That’s so true Sharon – it often is just when we accept the heavy truth that solutions seem to appear! But you can’t count on it – very slippery. 🙂 Thanks for posting.
March 25, 2011 at 11:19 am -
Hey Jill
It’s great to read you and be present to you. I can guess that the yearning for change and for the ease that would come with it must be a source of so much emotion for you – frustration, pain, sadness…
Recently I did a Wealth Dynamics profile and I am learning to accept something quite different in nature – that as well as being very creative I have what the profile calls “star” energy: I’m meant to be sharing my message widely in the world. So, I’m taking time to greet and accept this – and beginning to explore.
Much love to you on your journey
Dorothy